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2月17日 how to treat a girl...How to Treat a Girl 1.Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do. 2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out. 3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat. 4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful. 5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous. 6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it. 7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms. 8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did. 8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did. 9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it... 10. Not all of them eat like birds, alot of them can eat like whales. 11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy. 11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time! 12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship. 13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely. 14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the s**t out of him. 15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer. 16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back. 17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went. 18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals. 19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky. 20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like s**t, so be understanding. 21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it. 22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. 23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you. 24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked. 25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle. 26. Memorize their god damned birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. 27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good. 28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. 29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out. 30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, priviledge and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond. The perfect guy..Things That A Perfect Guy Would Do 1. Known how to make you smile when you are down. 2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice. 3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence. 4. Give you the remote control during the game. 5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you. 6. Play with your hair. 7. His hand would always find your hand. 8. Be cute when he really wants something. 9. Offer you plenty of massages. 10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork. 11. Never run out of love. 12. Be funny, but know when to be serious. 13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious. 14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready. 15. React so cutely when you hit him and it acutally hurts. 16. Smile a lot. 17. Plans a romantic date full of things he wouldn't normally do because he knows it means a lot to you. 18. Appreciate you. 19. Help others out. 20 Drive five hours just to see you for one. 21. Always gives you a kiss when you leave, even when his friends are watching. 22. Sing, even if he can't. 23. Have a creative sense of humor. 24. Stare at you. 25. Call for no reason. makes me think of...Forget his name, forget his face Forget his kiss and his warm embrace Forget the love that once came true Remember now there's someone new, Forget the love that you once shared Forget the face that had once cared Forget the time you spent together Remember now he's gone forever, Forget you cried the whole night through Forget him when they play your song Forget how close you two once were Remember now he's chosen her, Forget you memorized his walk Forget the way he used to talk Forget the times he was mad Remember he's happy instead of sad, Forget his teasing, gentle ways Forget you saw him everyday Forget he made your dreams come true Remember now she loves him too, Forget the thrill when he walked by Forget him when he made you cry Forget the way he spoke your name Remember now he's not the same, Forget the way he said he loved you Forget the way he kissed and hugged you Forget all those nights when he held you tight Remember now he holds her tonight, Forget all those sunny days Forget all those poems he made Forget those times through good and bad Remember he said he'd never make you sad, Forget the games he played with you Forget the times he stayed with you Forget those cold, cold nights Remember now he keeps her warm tonight, Forget the way he looked at you Forget you kissed the whole night through Forget all you dreams came true REMEMBER, that he doesn't love you. 1月29日 interesting way of doing things...Ok, I'm not worldly so not sure if this is even true but I tell ya some countries have some interesting rituals
As soon as all the males are excited and have And that's why the capital of Thailand is called Bangkok. Poor Brian..Poor Brian After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed, wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter." Brian was stunned, "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... You've got to send me back straight away." St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad," replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before." "Never," replies Brian. "Well just relax and let it happen." And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him...ever!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting, "Brian, wake up you drunk FOOL, you're SHITTING IN THE BED!!!" 1月25日 Just something I found.. thought it was cuteJust up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it. Ok so I found it on Laura's blog... and yes its touching...but I didnt want to forward it either...From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing. If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her. As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell. Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see. Good friends are like this. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. Please listen for my bell, and I'll listen for yours. 11月15日 Hehe Even @ Work...HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING. When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY. The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in
and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE. A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK. When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. if this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH. The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best just to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. A colleague who poops at work and is
%$..@ing proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This
group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS. A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLER. Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH. A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE. A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall still is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON. A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET. A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED . A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, and you should always wait topoop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees |
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